At the Intersection: Faith, Sexuality, and Asian Identity
It is now Asian American Heritage Month, and I was asked, as an Asian American Canadian, to share about the Bsians, our "Side B" Asian community. What can I say about the group that would make sense to the Revoice community at large? How could I accurately describe our beauty, our challenges, our hurts, our continued connection? Would people take me seriously if I said it has been a truly life-changing experience to be part of this group?
To quote a beloved aughts pop star, let's go back, back to the beginning.
I wasn't around for the first few Revoice conferences, but from what I've been told, some of us first met at Revoice in 2019, being able to find one another simply by… looking Asian. While those early members received the benefit of a longer friendship, as they've kept in touch since then, and while there was a group chat on Messenger that people were part of, the group in its current state did not start until 2021, at the annual Revoice conference in Dallas. This group included me.
I was so nervous about attending Revoice, even though I firmly believed that God was leading me there through a series of events too coincidental to be chance. I personally dislike new experiences, especially when surrounded by unfamiliar people. As a minority of a minority of a minority—gay, Asian, Christian—I didn't want to enter into yet another discomforting space, visibly sticking out, with the potential of having to explain personal elements awkwardly ("So are you North or South Korean?"). I understood that I was, on paper, entering into a safer space where the majority would be LGBTQ+/SSA Christians. Still, my ethnicity is something that is even more obvious to people than my sexuality (admittedly not by much). I had no idea how it, or I, would be received, especially in the state of Texas.
I needn't have worried, and I should have trusted our God more, truly. That first Revoice21 night, I had someone make an excuse to come and sit by me, and I had another person literally trip and stumble into me, who then used it as a reason to talk to me. These were immediate icebreakers, and I was forced to see that no, I wasn't the only gaysian here, and also, no, I wouldn't be able to hide in the back pews of the church. So off I was to meet people. And meet people I did.
That conference, in all honesty, was a blur in many respects, but I remember bubble tea in an Asian food court. I remember the group karaoke night (so much fun and the first of many!). I remember playing games in a local Revoice member's house – the same house we would do a late-night debrief after the last Revoice21 session. I remember the post-debrief car talk, wondering if we could continue this and not make the previous few days just a nice memory, seeing the windows fog up, and realizing that I hadn't had a deep car convo in over 15 years at that point (since my church college group days), being dropped off at my hotel hours later to see people leaving the hotel for their early morning flights. Beyond all that, I remember the connections being built up and rooted down on the fly, seeing that we had so much in common, coming to terms with the fact that we were no longer rare, single unicorns but instead… a herd of them.
See, for years, I saw myself in my faith walk as a solo traveler going from place to place (on a canoe, for whatever reason). While I saw other boats in the water with me, few were going in the same general direction, and fewer still knew how to help in emergencies, in heartbreaks, in moments of deep, heart-wrenching struggle. To be clear, I had (and still have) some very dear friends who have been absolutely loving and gracious – and present – but there were elements of my life that they could not fully understand. I was "Side B" before "Side B" was a term since I grew up in a Korean Canadian immigrant church that lacked understanding, education, and experience with the LGBTQ+/SSA community (although, to be clear, they did their best to support and love me). For almost two decades, I was resigned to the apparent fact that this would be a very lonely walk… but I also saw it as worth it. Now, here I was, meeting all these people at once, sharing our life histories, our coming-out stories, and our first crushes… and I felt understood and seen in ways that I hadn't been before. There was no need to explain how I, a Korean pastor's kid, could be gay from a young age (I came out to myself when I was 12). There was no need to clarify how often I ate kimchi or if my smaller eyes meant that I had a smaller field of vision. There was no need to dampen my "gayness" to be less…colorful.
Of course, right when I was getting comfortable with all these people, I was about to head back home. I thought, this can't be it, can it? There's no way I flew all the way from Canada just to meet kindred spirits once and leave it at that? I knew, ultimately, that God wasn't a tease, if I can put it that way, so, at the end of the conference, I promised myself I would do whatever I could to keep this going, with whatever this was. Thankfully, I wasn't the only one to think this way; most of us wanted to see how this could grow and where we would go.
That first year was a whirlwind. We started with group chats and calls. We made plans to surprise a Bsian for his birthday since he was struggling in a city that wasn't his home. We then had the idea to hold a Bsian retreat, for which we quickly started planning in earnest. A lot of us made plans to meet each other in various cities – New York, Boston, Los Angeles, and even a Caribbean cruise. We regrouped for Revoice22 the following year, also in Dallas, but met in Austin first so that we could have "Prevoice." I then threw out a suggestion (at the end of Revoice22) to meet in LA, so we ended up having a Disneyland trip in December. I personally flew to the US four times in 2022, all for Bsian/Revoice reasons. And I did not, and do not, regret this one bit.
It wasn't just me that felt this way. This notion of finding safety and understanding in the Bsians was the theme that resonated most strongly when discussing our group with other members. In one person's case, it was the very fact that after years of being in mostly white Christian Evangelical spaces, they were able to be part of a group with an "extra layer of cultural shorthand." Another member, Jason He, shared the following:
I grew up in a Texas suburb that had a relatively large Asian immigrant population, started following Jesus in a Chinese church, and was part of my university's Asian American InterVarsity chapter, so I have always been most familiar with spaces at the intersection of faith and Asian American identity. I found, though, that because of the intersectionality of minority experiences, many of my Asian American LGBTQ+/SSA Christian peers tended to adopt "Side A" theology more readily—historically, I think "Side A" spaces have held more space for racial diversity and inclusion. I, though, was still most convinced of the traditional ethic, so the Bsians have been a grace from God - a community of people who share both Asian American identity and alignment with the traditional ethic.
An early memory I have of the Bsians is from 2020—I watched my first Revoice during the COVID-19 pandemic, as I was in the midst of participating in working with my multiethnic church (with a large progressive Asian American population) on sorting out our statement on sexuality. Through X/Twitter, I connected with one of the original Bsian members, who connected me to the Bsians Facebook chat group. With the help of the group, and in particular Pastor Ray Low, I was shepherded in how to encourage my church to engage with human stories, not just Bible verses, and share my story with my whole church. Ray also walked with me as I came out to my parents, and I appreciated his ability to relate very personally to the ways my parents processed my sharing, which was very unlike the classic white American stereotypical coming out stories.
Another Bsian memory that comes to mind comes from Revoice22, when one of the Bsians received really harsh texts from their parents about Revoice and their sexuality. They felt most comfortable seeking out a group of us Bsians to gather and pray, largely because we could relate to the way their parents were reacting, and we could relate to their deep desire to honor their parents sacrificially amidst wanting to stand for the goodness of their convictions.
Overall, I believe the Bsians offer a space of safety and reliability to Asians who may feel overwhelmed by the whiteness of Revoice. Not everyone may find the affinity group helpful or necessary, but I think the option has served and continues to serve new Revoice attendees and other "Side Bers" well. I also believe the Bsian community offers a unique voice and prophetic call to unity amidst difference. In many Asian cultures, family is not necessarily defined by shared beliefs or spoken words of affirmation but rather by an innate sense of commitment and duty to one another. I think that the way Asian cultures often model valuing maintaining relationships, even at self-expense or out of sacrificial love, reflects a unique part of the gospel and God's call to the Church.
