I Will Uphold You

Written By Amber B.

When “God is in Control” Feels Distant, His Promise Draws Near

“God is in control.” These four words flew out of my mouth as an automatic response. Yet I realized I found no comfort in them. There is so much war and intense suffering all over the world. How is this God’s plan?

Eb, Bb, Cm, Ab. These four chords, when combined in a certain way, transport me back to the bittersweet longing for my ‘first love’. The head-over-heels infatuation was intoxicating. But the friendship crumbled under the weight of hoping it would turn into something more. Eventually, I let go, but even now, I sometimes struggle with guilt that I gave part of my heart away to someone who could have never been my spouse. At times, my heart feels so confused and damaged. Is this really God’s plan for me?

“God is in control.” I find myself standing in a cave in southern Cambodia. Looking up, I see a majestic floating island. Logic tells me that this massive chunk of earth and rock must be supported somewhere, but it looks as if it could plummet towards me at any moment. The mix of awe and fear keeps my feet fixed in place. My mind runs over those four words, a spark of comfort growing. In my spirit, I hear four new words: “I will uphold you.”


Through the prophet Isaiah, God speaks:


“But you, Israel, my servant,

   Jacob, whom I have chosen,

   you descendants of Abraham my friend,

I took you from the ends of the earth,

   from its farthest corners I called you.

I said, ‘You are my servant’;

   I have chosen you and have not rejected you.

So do not fear, for I am with you;

   do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

   I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:8-10 NIV


These promises are offered to all of “us who believe in him who raised Jesus our lord from the dead” (Romans 4:24 NIV).

At any moment, I feel the floating island suspended above could fall and crush me. At any moment, the world feels like it could implode from conflicts and crises. At any moment, my heart feels like it could break under the confusion and loneliness.

And yet, to all these, Jesus says, “I uphold you with my right hand.”

The rock in the cave has held for many years and will be upheld as long as the Lord desires. He promises to uphold the world until he returns again. And he promises to be with us always; to be our shepherd, our friend, and our bridegroom.

Come, Lord Jesus. Uphold our hearts, uphold this world, uphold all your creation. You are in control.

Amen

If you would like to go deeper, I encourage you to spend some time with Isaiah chapters 40-45.

Amber B.

Amber is an educator, coach, and creative who has never been content to do just one thing. She currently teaches high school math and computer science, while also coaching sports teams and leading student trips. Outside the classroom, she enjoys designing cities, building Lego, playing soccer, traveling, writing screenplays, and occasionally playing guitar.

Originally from the Midwest, Amber’s journey has taken her to unexpected places. After graduate school, she felt called overseas, where she spent several years teaching TCKs, PKs, and MLS students. Her time abroad deepened her awareness of God’s heart for all people, especially those in Muslim-majority contexts.

In recent years, Amber has settled in Southern California, where she continues to invest in students and communities through both education and mentorship, bringing curiosity, creativity, and care to everything she does.

"My journey regarding the intersection of faith and sexuality began in a Christian home where I knew all the “right” answers about Jesus. But when I recognized my attraction to other women, I felt overwhelming shame and believed I had failed God. After years of inner turmoil, the Lord brought me to a place of full surrender. In that moment, I experienced a deep freedom that has shaped me ever since—even as I continue to navigate same-sex attraction. Though challenges still arise, I’ve learned to live with greater peace, holding my sexuality honestly while submitting it to Jesus.

I was inspired to share my story through writing after experiencing the profound impact of the Revoice community. Before that, I rarely had the opportunity to process the unique challenges and beauty of being a sexual minority alongside other Side B Christians. Revoice helped me grow in honesty and better understand the grace of Jesus in my life, and through writing, I hope to pass on that same encouragement to others.

I hope my words ultimately point readers back to God’s Word and help them feel seen, understood, and invited into deeper reflection on His truth.

In my writing for Revoice’s “Our Voices” Blog, I’m especially drawn to exploring themes like navigating gender stereotypes, wrestling with where God is in the midst of suffering, reflecting on His heart for the vulnerable, engaging deeply with Scripture, and learning to let go of limerence and unrequited love." — Amber

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