Both Christian churches and associated parachurch ministries have long been mostly concerned with intervening in the sexualities of men when it comes to same-sex attraction. This particular pressure on men and anxiety around men’s appropriate masculinity creates a discrepancy around men’s and women’s involvement in ex-gay, reparative, and sexual orientation change “therapies.” For some, this can seem like a rare privilege that women have over men in the Side B community, but this privilege has its own drawbacks.

Some of the experiences commonly reported in women’s affinity meetings at Revoice and in the recent women’s survey is how the heavy expectation/assumption that girls are straight, that they will be married, and that they will be biological mothers makes it more difficult for many women to discern their own desires and attractions. The refusal to see women as sexual beings in many Christian circles not only hinders the development of healthy sexuality for married straight women, but also creates mental, emotional, and spiritual hurdles for women to recognize when they are attracted to other women.

My first in-person experience [at Revoice] in St. Louis was overwhelming. I didn't expect there to be so many men, rooms felt loud, I didn't know who to sit with, and I recall the newcomer breakout session during lunch the first day was a circle of chairs composed of nearly 30 white men. I was enjoying the content of the conference, but felt on edge… 

Thankfully I met two other gals that I got to hang out with the rest of the time–that made a huge difference… we have since become friends and keep in touch. But, we literally met over her asking me how I was doing and me saying, "Can I be real for a second? There are so many men here!!" — Anonymous response to Revoice’s survey to LGBTQ/ SSA women

So, Lent. It’s not in the Bible. Or is it…? 

OK, technically no. But the elements are all in there: ashes, confession and repentance, 40 days, fasting, palm branches, deepening our study of Scripture, and many more. Lent is a season of walking with Jesus on his way to the Cross and Resurrection. 

But what does this season mean for us? Are there unique ways LGBTQ+ Christians can celebrate Lent? Oh honey, I only have 500 words here. So let me just offer a short list of Side B ways that queer folk can Lent it UP.

I offer that by responding to God’s love in worship and prayer, by not waiting for the approval of institutions to act in the interests of the people around us, by establishing God-honoring and human-honoring boundaries about the types of treatment we will receive, and by knowing how we will (and won’t) respond–and honoring those boundaries with ourselves–we cultivate the same kind of agapic energy that sustained Civil Rights Movement leaders like Fannie Lou Hamer. This was an energy that could not be sapped by the lack of support from fellow Believers, and, in time, even drew some into relationship and resistance at long last.

Love is the foundation of our relationship with God. It is not merely an attribute of His nature—it is who He is. Every action of His toward us is motivated by love. From the moment He formed us in our mother’s womb to the moments we feel furthest from Him, His love remains constant, unwavering, and relentless. His love won’t fail us.

As you start the New Year, plant your feet in the hope of Christ, and receive this blessing:

May you find the moxy and verve to smile in places designed to scare you.

And now join me in this toast: 

And in the end

Death died,

And we survived.

Christ reigns,

And we have life!

In closing, I want to briefly share some of Sam’s story (not his real name). Sam attended our annual conference for the first time last year. Before then, he had started the journey of coming out to those around him who were important to him. He knew that faithfulness to Jesus meant that he needed to embrace celibacy. Attending our annual conference gave him a vision for a form of communal living in the context of his local church that could be a source of life for him. Challenges remain, and it hasn’t always been easy, but Sam is committed to walking out the obedience he feels called to pursue as he follows Jesus.

In Advent, we reflect on Jesus' incarnation as the hope that comes to find those who sit in darkness. Perhaps Mary was the first to fully experience this: exhausted, in pain, finding a place to lay her newborn. I imagine she squints in the dim light, leaning over to behold Jesus' face. Did that voice still echo in her mind: "We have no place for you?" God meets her not just in human like-ness but on a dark, difficult night.